Do Boyfriends Have to
CHEAT in College?
Building Trust versus the Lure of the "Hunt"

Some "words for the wise"
Sebrevia Osborne
North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University

The Verge Model Troop at North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University meets on Tuesday and Thursday nights at 9:00pm and Sundays at 6:00pm.

During Verge practice various females with slender and not so slender shapes and sizes strut and walk portraying classy runway super models. The guys in the troop: some of them built and buff, some of them built and buff not.

Within Verge Girls is Leah Ford.

Leah is very shapely and attractive, not to mention her sexy legs that add to her five foot eight inch body.

Within the mixed chocolates of Verge Guys is Steve McQueen.

Steve is also very tall and attractive with his hypnotizing and alternating eye colors.

This couple met each other one night at a Verge practice. She approached him and "demanded" to know his name. Ever since they have been inseparable.

In their spare time Leah and Steve go out to eat, to the movies, and they even go to church together. But does this necessarily mean that there are absolutely no obstacles that can come between the two? What if another sexy and demanding female insisted on getting acquainted with Steve?

When asked the one thing that kept Steve and Leah's relationship together they both answered: "TRUST."

Steve apparently feels that honesty, communication, and trust are the number one things. "If a guy approaches Leah. I hope that she would do the right thing." Leah feels very confident about her relation ship with Steve and is not worried about any other females who may approach him.

But realistically, in college can a relationship be a comfortable one without the ups and downs of wondering if someone is trying to get your man? When asked this question, this is how some students here at A&T responded:

Lee Blackwell: "College is a type of environment that a person will never experience again in life. This gives some guys a chance to explore other possibilities."

Cameron Ray: "A guy should not even have a girlfriend in college. But if he does he should be as faithful as possible. He should not cheat."

But what really is cheating? Cheating is lying, deceitfulness, falseness, mendacious, untruthful, unfair, violating rules deliberately, to elude, to escape, to mislead, and insincerity. Is a guy really doing all of that if he only tells someone his name?

How and Why Men Cheat, author Michael Baisden reveals the methods that a guy will utilize to conceal an affair. The most commonly preferred places are bars, night clubs, and lounges. (These modern day "meat markets" provide the perfect stalking grounds for any man with the desire to "temporarily resign" from his existing relationship. Baisden has interviewed over 1000 unfaithful guys. That which helped him bring to life those real reasons and excuses for the first time.

Michael Baisden explains
"The Hunt"

So here is my advice to an imaginary letter writer. You might like to compare my advice with that of
Dr. Judith:

Dear Sebrevia,

I am a junior in college right now and I do not have a boyfriend. But I am going steady with this guy who I have known for approximately a year and five months. Neither one of us are ready to take that step to say Yes, I will. We are not ready for that label yet. I tell everyone that he is just my friend. The both of us have been through very tragic relationships. I never thought that we would end up getting this serious, but it is now to the point where we argue like we are a married couple. Being that we are both in college, we both understand that there are various attractive obstacles that very often get in the way. He tells me that I am his main focus at this time and that he plans to be with me for a while. Should I be concerned about whether he is seeing someone else or not? Wouldn't that make me insecure?


"Not Too Sure"

Dear "Not Too Sure",

First and foremost it does not matter how old you are, if you are in school your work should be your main concern. Being together for only a year and five months is really not a long time at all. Hey, look at Stedman and Oprah, and they still have not gotten married. You have plenty of time to worry about getting into a serious relationship. If your "friend" has been with you for a whole year and neither one of you is pushing for that next step then chill out. You are both off to a good start. Relationships actually do take time. Do not use college as an excuse. Even though various attractive obstacles might be in the way, you should not mind having to ignore them. If you really care for him you will. I am sure many relationships never mean to turn out as serious as they do, but in this case you have to just be you and communicate with your "friend" as often as possible

Just because your "friend" says that you are his main focus does not mean that he is referring to the rest of his life. I am simply saying, do not rush into things. If you are arguing like a married couple that does not necessarily bring good thoughts to mind. We all know that couples break up just as fast as they get together these days. It is not a bad thing to be insecure, but if you are you need to come out of this stage immediately. The cure to being insecure is, find out what it is that you do not know or what you want to know. If you want to move on to that next step in the relationship, then do what you have to do. Then you won't have to be wondering all the time.



Don't you think that instead of cheating, guys should simply overcome their denial stage and end their relationship before going off to college?

You definitely do not want to stay together and find out something happened while he was out there and end up getting hurt.

This is why you have to know what you want. If you are totally committed to your partner then you need to make things work, but realize that the move to college is a very challenging test. If it does not work out, then it just was not meant to be.

Would you rather your boyfriend not go to college and then wonder if he would have cheated? If you love your boyfriend then go with the flow of things and let fate take its course.

It is called time, which means a phase, a number of years, days, or minutes, duration, thus your relationship could be. Unless you are GOD then you do not know if you are actually meant to stay in that relationship or not. If you are in school then it really is o.k. to drift a little. As long as there is no ring involved. Now that would be a whole other story

NCAT Journalism Magazine


Copyright ©2002 Sebrevia Osborne
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